SCRATCH PAD DUMP

I suddenly felt funny. Nobody told me he was coming. I told myself “Hey, its not every day John comes around. Seeing him would not be half bad.” John and I were never really good friends. I think he wouldn’t even remember me if we meet again.

Yeah, he was a knock out…

John…

It was four years ago, I was in high school. I was totally the “it”, I always wanted to be popular but not like that. I was getting a lot of attention. I just can’t handle it. They chase you as if you don’t have your own life. Its invading.  Clicks, snaps, cameras all over. I can’t be at peace. I can’t stay in a place too long, they’ll find me. I was always on the run. I mean come on people give me a break.

I did not choose this life.

I didn’t want this. Its like having tea when all you really wanted was just ice cream. I would sometimes just give up and let them at me. Am I suppose to be happy? Am I suppose to be flattered?

John was different, from all of them. He never seemed to notice me. I did not expect that. Damn it. Why? John…

John was the high school champ. He was the best. The soccer team won the nationals and that is because John made a touch down at the brink the game. Everyone wanted him too. He was unlike me. They all admired him. He was like the High school god. Everyone wanted to be with him or be him.

I on the other hand was infamous. Hated. I was ugly. I was not smart enough. I was not a nerd. No way. I hardly passed my exams. Well, that was mainly because I had to work my way through high school. I was not dumb either. I just don’t look that good enough… I mean not like John. John had great hair, gorgeous face, well built body, smart, nice…

Like the others, I wanted John. I wanted him. No, no, uhm… I needed him. I would be there when he takes his walks. When he goes to the mall. When he goes home, I usually go with him. Oh, but I usually walk twenty steps behind to avoid attention. Nope! I wan not stalking him.

John was my world back in high school. I remember looking at him while he was in the shower. I always wanted to see him bare. Haha, I just took a peep with my sneakoscope. I still can remember that sweet afternoon. I saw him in his garage. He fell down… What happened. I ran crossed the street and then I went in… I think he tripped off…

Gosh… He was lying there. Sleeping. Naah… He was out. Blacked out.

I was thinking 911, but my chest was throbbing.

I went closer to him, too close. His hair smell like almond. He never reacted. It didn’t matter. His face innocent. CPR! What the hell. I don’t know first aid. His lips were calling, muttering something… nothing. I listened to him and answered to his silence. His lips called mine so I anwered. He never stopped. I never did. We never did. Off goes my shirt, off goes his. We slowed down in his old red car.  The keys were there. He gassed it up to make some noise. The seats fell down. Covers removed. We can feel the engine running… I was on top. He turned the speakers on he turned on off his car clock. I looked outside, the sun was really up. We felt it too. In the seats there were no sheets. No cover. Bare. John was there, I was there. We were there. On that garage, one summer.

After that day john’s family moved away. I didn’t knew where. I never cared. I am full grown now. I am in control. He made me in control from that day on.

Huh! Well, that was high school. Today is today.

They said John has arrived. His car was there but where is he? I went to the garage. He was’nt there. There were many people. But all there faces were not glad. They were all well dressed. So was I. But where is John.

I stepped in the aisle, red carpet and all…

I am in control.

I walked forward, toward John…

Bells clang… They did.

John is gone. God bye John.

Don’t ask me if I did, I can’t tell you…

I CAN”T UNTIL TOMMOROW.

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